life isn'f fair at all... :(

我希望他就像是我的一张大棉被，在我难过的时候会包容我，让我躲在里面哭...

Episode: 9383874001822415246402


i am refraining from touching this blog. because each time i log in, it means i am unhappy. each time, every single time i log in. it would mean that i am here presenting my nonsense again.and 讲来讲去 always the same thing. i told i am an annoying freak right?!?!?!?!?!?

i am really puzzled by why is it that difficult? because friends are nothing but a facade. define friend. enlighten me. and the degree of friendliness varies too much. i cant tell you i ____ you because i treasure our friendship. but i guess nothing can salvage this anymore. i realise i am not making sense anymore. but nevermind. well since no one cares. no one bothers to understand. so i cant be bothered to explain.

i am soo tired of everything. i realise 我只是一个被你利用的工具. u'll think of me when u need me, need my help or whatever. but when you don't. 我连你的slipper都比不上. BUT. i 心甘情愿 被你利用 傻傻 de believe that one day, u'll realise 我的好. roll on floor laughing. wait long long also boh koh leng lah. but i just want to let you know that, i'll do anything for you. as long as you open you mouth. anything. even if it means losing my life. i promise. and i wont expect anything in return. because this is ____.

i strongly believe that promises are meant to be broken, and life is made up of lies. they say so long as 你真心对待一个人, u will be treated the same way. 骗人的.n0 matter what i do, u just turn a blind eye.

i only yearn for some long. is that wrong? i hate you you big bully.

How appropriate huh. i really wish there is nothing i need to do. but what about the statement 幸福是要自己去争取的？i have been doing everything i can already. but everything i do is in vain. maybe i should really stop. i only want a little bit of happiness.. is that too much to ask for? and my happiness is ___. but thats impossible. if miracles do exist. i wish upon anything that one will happen to me. and really, i am really trying to be happy. but i cant get myself to.

i'm showing symptoms of mental and physical breakdown

I shouldnt have even opened my mouth in the first place. I'm such an idiot. Dumb like crazy. I'm sorry. But issit that distressing? I guess so. Congratulations to me. I have just been sl@apped with a 'most-irritating-and-annoying-and-unlovable' award right in the face. It calls for a celebration.

whats the use of being sad when no one cares at all? enlighten me.

heart flat-lining...

我很累了. really really very very very tired. i want to give up. because its time to let go. thank you for giving me such a beautiful part of my memory. i need to stop. because i don't want those painful memories to overwrite those precious ones. sound crap. but really. thank you for having once cared about me, and being there for me whenever i needed you. without you, i wouldnt know what to do.

my tears never hesitate to fall whenever i blog nowadays. and i didnt want this to be our only source of communication. i have always been someone that 很容易被遗忘. and how come no one ever pays notice to anything i said, no one ever remembers anything i said. but i always remember every single word you said.


我会忍痛，笑着过日子，because as long as you are happy, then i am, even though i am not a part of your happiness........really......

答应我你会好好过 and let me 默默的守护着你.


goodbye

lend me your shoulders to cry on, please?

it took me quite a long time to post this post...simply because i was running away from reality. sometimes i don't really wish to face it. but i simply HAVE TO. because i need to GROW UP.

yes if you happen to know. i am feeling upset again. congratulations to me.
you must be thinking, wtf! emo again?!?!? too bad la. not that i like it ok
if each time i feel baddd i will lottery, i would have taken over Singapore Turf Club and sponsor everyone in the class for their oversea study trip. 10 times also can. not funny ok.

and i love crying in the showers because no one know im crying and i cant feel the tears trickling down my face.

how come come each time i look into your eyes, i can feel you saying 'get lost, you think i care?'
you used to care. but not anymore. and it makes me wonder what is wrong. if anyone happens to peel off my mask, u will be surprised to discover the real me. because it would be totally different from me at work, or anywhere else without thinking of all those bad stuff. i wonder if it is depression if u can suddenly in the middle of nothing just thought of something. and tears just flow. and come to think of that, i;ve been bad-mooding for a week. 看不出 right? because i've mastered the art of hiding.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

DOUBLE BLOW IN 2 CONSECUTIVE DAYS. HOW GREAT.
the reason why i've been soo upset recently is because i feel that i am tooo dumb. you make me look like a total fool. reason being, when i care about someone. he/she doesnt appreciate it. and it makes me feel like im being very silly doing so. and u didnt realise this has hurt me. fyi, i am only concern about you. and i am concern about you because i care. and i care because i really care. i only want you to know that i will always be there if u needed me. but i guess this is just 好心没好报. or maybe i am just being extra. i think i am being too KPO. serve me right. orbi good

second thing. hais. i dun really know how to write this. i can write out the whole story. but apparently i cant. first. i am real sorry. i really really wanted to help. and you know me, i will definitely do my best to help (maybe u don think so, now u do). but i was really busy. i said i'd get back t you and i did, to no avail. BUT when i finally got hold of you, i nearly died. because i was just too shocked. because YOU DIDNT EVEN LET ME KNOW. and i was stupidly stupidly stupidly waiting and waiting and waiting for your call and such. and guess what. i know u are going to say im being petty again. but u didnt know that that had really HURT me very very very much, did you?





lalalalala
fine no one cares. but if one day anyone would care about me. i might flip. goodnight. i hope i am not waking up in the morning. because it just hurts too badly. BYE BYE.