on my way to work, i did alot of thinking. i was trying my best not to weep on the streets. and blasting songs doesnt help. there are alot of people who needs our help. sometimes i wonder, am i really suitable for this line?

sometimes i am really sick and tired of everything. there isn't anyone here where i can pour my grieveness to. i am really tired. how much lonher can i hold?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my loveliest buddy in the whole wide world! :D

i am sorry to be kaobeiing about everything daily. but can all these bloody changes stop? i am getting so fed up with these changes. the upstairs people think its very fun. yes i may not understand the reason behind all these. but they should learn to spare a thought for other people's feelings.

i know i am llttm. my life sucks to the max. i want to get out of there.

why am i so fucking suay and why do you hate me so much?!!?!?!?! grrrr :(

i am absoultely not ok.

like i have said for the n'th time. nothing is going on well. yes i should be thankful that i am alive and kicking, but seriously, this kind of life sucks to the max

i really dunno what to do. i really hope nothing bad will happen. i already duno what to do in the pharmacy. i am so sick and tired of everything. i need some private time to do some quiet thinking. i cant help feeling emo in the pharmacy. i know it will never ever be the same. but i really feel very very very sad. i dunno what to do. its like there is no one to help anymore. dont remind me that it happened. because apparently my wish did not come true. i have to stop whining and grow up. stat.


anyways. great news:

i was superbly disappointed in myself today. i had EUT in the afternoon at 2.30pm. so i had to go lunch at 1.30 sharp. which means i have to finish topping up my wards by 1.30 and it is uncontrollable. because you never know when is the order coming down, and when is it going to be packed and check. well there are about a million people in the pharmacy, but still need time and resources right? fine.

and perhaps, they think too highly of this little junior staff here. because i have to top up ward 63 today. congratulations to me. and the great thing here?

1) i have not topped up W63 before (i only went one with the big jiejies during my attachment hald a year ago)
2) there are a total of 7 stations in W63 so 7 bags 7 keys 7 trolleys
3) and i have to bring 2 students with me

VIOLA.

not trying to find excuses for myself. but its kinda stress because its not like the usual top ups where i can go and explore myself and slowly come back. no way, because i have got to rush back for my course and i dun want to be a bad example for the students. (well i am, and i apologise for not being a good teacher and setting a bad example)

so guess what?

everything was going on smoothly, not much fridge items, i can find the keys, although the nurses thinks i am irritating. and i think i am too. until an error popped up.

1 tab of 15mg mirtazepine appeared in the 8 tabs bag of 30mg mirtazepine.

fine. near miss queen back in action.

then there was a shortage if tablets

then there was alot of extra capsules

great x 100 times

so i went back to the pharmacy at 2.20pm. i wanted to amend all the errors by myself and then go up myself. (which i usually do). but today i really cant. so cheryl loo helped me. i didnt want to trouble the iou team la. thanks loo loo!

so no lunch lor. kang qi was kind enough to call me if i am alright with my ward. but i dont want to cause any more trouble. and she helped me buy polar puff for me so that i could munch. thanks alot!!

i am too xun la.

cheryl loo told me buddy is expert in W63. wah seh. i even sms her that i would not throw her face. apparently this buddy too toufu alr la. sorry buddy, your buddy too cui. 我太丢脸了. so sorry. very sad. the moment i reached the pcy, i told cheryl loo that buddy is so going to be disappointed in me. =( and whats worse, i keyed in the timing in front of lao da. omg. i am going to remain a junior staff forever. die.


ok tay rui yi wake up your idea and stop complaining. xun jiu xun la. =.=

from today onwards,

i will not gasp whenever i see a W48 script
i will not scream whenever i hear the YOG song
i will not haolian because only i know how to calculate morphine dose
i will not volunteer to do stocks, or wish i can do flipping
i will not talk about tau sar piah
i will not talk about whoever
i will not omg whenever i type an onco script
i will not kaobei other people
i will not talk about ice
i will not whisper and giggle and then burst out laughing
i will not say oh buddy is going to be so proud of me
i will not say buddy not here then u bully me ah
i will not talk about jay chou 1 and 2 and the concert
i will not 感谢我的电脑 anymore
i will not run to lao da tgt and ask if i can give 40 tabs of anarex
i will not use abbreviations that no one else will understand
i will not speak hokkien in the pharmacy
i will not speak in codes that only we understand
i will not tell lame jokes
i will not say funny things without laughing or smiling
i will not do the twist sign
i will not talk about my best friend

because there wont be anyone to share all these with me...


last but not least, i will try to be brave,
and my buddy will be my buddy forever

:(

i am sad. am very very very very very x 100000 sad. :(((

oh no. before i feel sad, i should be scared first.

i know i am being selfish..but i really wish.........................................................................................


haissssss :((

please don't please don't please don't